9 Signs He Might Be Wack in Bed

Bad sex. We’ve all had it at least once in our lives. How many times have you wished you could get those 2 hours (or 2 minutes) of your life back when you could’ve spent the evening washing and twisting your hair instead? After all, he was a cute new boo and he seemed sweet, so we gave in…and maybe even gave him another chance to redeem himself – only to be disappointed yet again.

Even though bad sex can be hard to predict, especially if there’s some sort of chemistry, some would argue there are signs that the sex will be terrible before you actually have it. Now of course, there are no fail-safe signals, but if any of these signs are present, you may want to skip the romp in the sack altogether and save yourself the time and trouble.

1. He Can’t Dance

I don’t expect a man to be able to bust a move like Hammer, Usher or Chris Breezy, but I DO expect him to at least have his two-step down. And by down, I mean “on beat.” Not being a professional dancer is one thing, but lacking rhythm is another. Usually if a man lacks rhythm on the dance floor, he lacks rhythm in the bed as well. If you meet a man at the club and you both can’t seem to get in sync with body movement on the floor, then chances are he won’t flow with you between the sheets either. Sex is about more than simple biology. It’s about passion, flow, rhythm and chemistry – the same things that make for great dancing. If he dances to the words, rather than the beat, then don’t waste your time bedding him unless good sex doesn’t mean that much to you.

2. He Can’t Kiss

I’ve never had sex with a man who couldn’t kiss – why bother? If I can’t stand to kiss a man, I can’t get aroused enough to take it any further. I have yet to meet a woman who has told me that the sex was great with a man who couldn’t plant a decent, passionate kiss on her. Whether the kiss is too wet, too dry, too much tongue, not enough, his breath stinks – you name it – if you can’t get a man to kiss you the way you want to be kissed, trust and believe you’ll have a hard time getting him to sex you up the way you like as well

3. Bad Hygiene

Speaking of bad breath, I find that most men who don’t bathe regularly or brush their teeth every day generally don’t expect to get laid regularly either. And how can he expect any woman to want to roll between the sheets with him if he stinks to high hell or the thought of his body next to hers repulses her? If he doesn’t care how a woman will receive him, he probably hasn’t been with that many, which means he may not be that experienced either. Sounds like a recipe for bad sex to me.

4. Suspect Appearance

Along the same lines of poor hygiene, most men who have zero fashion sense, never have a fresh cut, have claws forfingernails and basically have no swag, probably aren’t that great in bed either. I’m not saying he has to look like he just stepped off a page of the latest GQ magazine, but if a man takes no pride in his appearance whatsoever, then he probably isn’t bagging any chicks either. For most men, dressing well and staying groomed have EVERYTHING to do with attracting a woman, so if a man isn’t trying to do that, then he’s probably not having sex either since the only way to have sex is to get a woman to be attracted to him – unless he pays her for sex, which is just sad.

5. He Claims to NEVER Watch Adult Videos

Let’s just say this is true, which I don’t believe but whatever – if he doesn’t watch adult videos, then he probably isn’t that creative in bed. Most men I know watch adult videos, not just because they want to be aroused, but because they want to learn some new techniques. This can be great learning material for him and while you don’t want a man who is so into it that he ignores you, it is certainly okay to want a man who studies the art of lovemaking and uses what he learns in order to please you. Now, this could backfire on you because some men who watch TOO MANY adult videos may have an unrealistic idea of what sex is like with a live person and may assume your responses, or your likes or dislikes should be the same as the female star of the skin flick. Be careful with this one.

6. He Doesn’t Have/Use Condoms

The sex could be bad for a couple of reasons behind not having or using a condom: Either you will be uncomfortable while having sex because you’ll be too busy thinking of that STD you might be contracting or the pregnancy you’re not ready for orhe’s not used to carrying them because he doesn’t have sex often – which means he’s out of practice. Now if you’re just careless, reckless or caught up in the moment, then not using a condom might not affect the type of sex you’re having. I just find that men who seem clueless or careless don’t make for the best sex partners…unless they’re just so gross they sling their man-meat all over the place and the long stroke is all they know how to do.

7. He Avoids Sex

It’s hard to find a man out there who turns down sex so if the guy you’ve been on 37 dates with hasn’t even tried to go there with you, then he’s either gay or has no idea what he’s doing and he’s afraid to disappoint you. If he’s got a small package, is a two minute brother or has intimacy issues, then he probably knows it and will do anything possible to avoid sex as long as he can. He may tell you that he respects you and doesn’t want to rush you, or that he’s waiting for marriage – which are all noble things. But if you sense that he’s uncomfortable with the idea of sex altogether, there could be something deeper going on. This doesn’t necessarily mean you should give up on him, especially if he’s a great guy. But if you’re looking for mind-blowing sex, you might not get it with this guy until after he’s seen a shrink or worked out his intimacy issues.

8. He’s Selfish

It’s usually pretty easy to tell if a man is selfish or not within 5 minutes of conversing with him. Why? Because everything is about him. He only talks about himself, bragging about his accomplishments, his material possessions, what he does for a living, how great he is, etc. He barely lets you get a word in edgewise and doesn’t care to ask you about your likes, dislikes, interests or anything else that has to do with YOU. This selfish behavior usually transfers to the bedroom and a selfish lover is a bad lover. If he never asks you anything about yourself, wants your world to revolve around him and he doesn’t listen to anything you have to say, then don’t expect him to care if you’re being pleased in the bedroom either.

9. He’s an Alcoholic

Men who are intoxicated usually don’t perform well. There’s a term for it : “Whiskey D!ck.”  Yes, I’m absolutely serious.  He usually has a hard time “rising” to the occasion, so you’re just lying there with a wet noodle for a bed mate. There’s also the possibility that you could have the opposite problem with a drunken man – the one who is not able to climax because he drank too much. For some, a marathon sex session is awesome. But for others, being with a dude who simply can’t “finish” may leave you sore the next day. So, either have sex with him only while he’s sober or not at all. Drunkenness is not hot.

-lumiere